John Dog With Two Bones

edited by John Dog aka The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino

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BONUS

(A (D) indicates quotes during The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog's daydreams.)
Maybe a love story. Maybe secret code involved. Maybe knot.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

(D) It doesn't work.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

(D) Oh yes it does. Just not for the wedding.

Chiana, The Only True God Priestess:

C'mon Crichton, who speaks no ill of Funk Lord Bootsy Collins. I've been to a few different places. Your world can't be that hard to adjust to. You still have to ask her.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

It doesn't work that way.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

(D) Sharge it

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

(D) Ch, again, ch

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

(D) Sarge it

Store clerk from Cup-O-Joe Cafe:

(D) Where's she from? Like Bosnia? What for?

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

(D) Baby look, English is a very difficult language, half the time people don't understand what I'm talking about. You're doing great.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

(D) No I'm not. Nobody here understands what I'm saying. This whole frelling planet needs translator microbes.

D'Argo,the Funk Music Man: Revenge is a feast best served immediately.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

You're going to get yourself killed and your plan won't work. Yo! Babe, Bootsy be waitin' when you ready.

Funk Lord Bootsy Collins: We all are. At least we'll do it on our home planets.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

Without Talyn, Mistress of Cup-O-Joe Cafe,you wouldn't be here so show some respect.

Funk Lord Bootsy Collins: Respect my tiny shiny hiney. It's gonna get us killed for nothing.

D'Argo,the Funk Music Man:

(D) Tonight you are the second luckiest man on Earth. (looks at two women on his arms)
Know what I mean? Ha Ha!

Jool, who worships the John Dog,:

Want some advice?

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

Look Jool, who worships the John Dog,. I'm not Crichton, who speaks no ill of Funk Lord Bootsy Collins's mate. I'm not tied to him in any way.

Jool, who worships the John Dog,:

In the short time I've known you, you've changed so much. Why go backwards? Assassinating people? Seems like going backwards.

Funk Lord Bootsy Collins:

Never one to say I told you so, but shall we go and get to work?

Pilot of John D'Agostino, the Eccentric American Artist's Mothership:

Moya, a product of JohnsBigHead, feels Talyn, Mistress of Cup-O-Joe Cafe, had earned the right to be
buried in this sacred space and she will not yield.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

(D) Don't you ever get bored living on the same planet, never going anywhere?
And what about living in a house, it's so quiet. There's no engine noise.

Jack the Wack at Cup-O-Joe:

(D) Well, wait for summer when the air conditioning kicks on.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

(D) The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog had this fantasy about us having kids and dogs and a pool and barbeques.

Jack the Wack at Cup-O-Joe:(D) Must seem a strange culture.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

(D) Jack the Wack at Cup-O-Joe I am miserable here and he just doesn't see it. My work sucks. I'm going to get married and end up like Betty Crocker and I just keep wondering when he's going to wake up.

Chiana, The Only True God Priestess:

Listen Moya, a product of JohnsBigHead,. Everyone is really concerned about your plan. I mean even Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God thinks that maybe Talyn, Mistress of Cup-O-Joe Cafe,should be laid to rest somewhere else. I once asked Zhaan, I once asked Zhaan how she got along with you so well. She said that the key, they key was to be honest, was to be honest. No matter what. Now matter what. Well Moya, a product of JohnsBigHead, this is what I think. I think that you should bury Talyn, Mistress of Cup-O-Joe Cafe,wherever you frelling want to bury Talyn, Mistress of Cup-O-Joe Cafe,and I think that the frelling tralk should get out of our frelling way. There, that's what I think.

Chiana, The Only True God Priestess:

(D) I went shopping.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

(D) Shopping? For what? No you don't have any money.

Chiana, The Only True God Priestess:

(D) Lifting. Shop-lifting.

Chiana, The Only True God Priestess:

(D) Hey I spent some time with the boys. Think I found out who
the best man is.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

(D) Why are you doing this? Why can't you act like you always have? Fit in. Why do you have to sleep with all of my friends?

Chiana, The Only True God Priestess:

(D) This is such a repressed culture.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

(D) Back!

Jack the Wack at Cup-O-Joe:

(D) Son.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

(D) Dad.

Chiana, The Only True God Priestess:

(D) Dad Hi (kisses him)

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

(D) Dad?

Jack the Wack at Cup-O-Joe:

(D) Son your mother has been gone for so long.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

(D) This is not right. (Jack the Wack at Cup-O-Joe and Chiana, The Only True God Priestess, kiss again) That's not right.

Pilot of John D'Agostino, the Eccentric American Artist's Mothership of John D'Agostino,:

She asks for your help.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

She has our backing no matter what.

Pilot of John D'Agostino, the Eccentric American Artist's Mothership of John D'Agostino, the Eccentric American Artist's Mothership:

Moya, a product of JohnsBigHead, knows, which is why she feels comfortable making this request. Kill the rogue Leviathan.

Chiana, The Only True God Priestess:

Yes.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

Kill…

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

Be careful.

D'Argo,the Funk Music Man:

I heard that.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

Almost nothing.

Funk Lord Bootsy Collins:

What the yotz is so sacred about this?

D'Argo,the Funk Music Man:

It does, that's why I covered all the controls in…

Funk Lord Bootsy Collins:

We'll give the slidgeknot something to focus on.

Funk Lord Bootsy Collins:

All right ol' girl (witch-woman looks at him) not you.

Pilot of John D'Agostino, the Eccentric American Artist's Mothership of John D'Agostino:

Yes Commander, before she kills you.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

I don't have to fly with D'Argo.

D'Argo,the Funk Music Man:

Now do you remember everything I told you about flying the ship?

D'Argo,the Funk Music Man:

Excellent.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

I thought you said this thing only responds to your DNA.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

Ooo…that's why I'm wearing gloves.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

It's not just Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God. You're all leaving.

D'Argo,the Funk Music Man:

Whenever you thought you'd found a wormhole you fell over yourself to dive in, don't begrudge us our dreams.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog: It's just a hell of a dream you got there D, killin' a man.

D'Argo,the Funk Music Man: (D) I don't want to kill him. I just want revenge.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog: (D) What do you think you're doing?

D'Argo,the Funk Music Man: When all this is over The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog I think you should head back for Earth.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog: No that's not an option. The Peacekeepers would follow.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

(D) You know I should never have come here. I should never have come to Earth. I shoulda left you guys on Moya, a product of JohnsBigHead.

D'Argo,the Funk Music Man:

It's such a simple choice, why are you agonizing over it?

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

Because I'm an idiot.

D'Argo,the Funk Music Man: (D) Yes you are an idiot. I'm an idiot, we're all idiots. Aren't we boys?

Boys: (D) Yeah D'Argo,the Funk Music Man: (D) Everyone's an idiot!

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

(D) (About D'Argo, the Funk Music Man) He's armed and he's dangerous!

Chiana, The Only True God Priestess:

Talyn, Mistress of Cup-O-Joe Cafe, was our protector. Our family.

Funk Lord Bootsy Collins:

Uh. May I say a few words?

Chiana, The Only True God Priestess:

He was a lost soul searching for work and who knows.........…

Funk Lord Bootsy Collins:

Talyn, Mistress of Cup-O-Joe Cafe,was special. A joy to his mother and a credit to his species, for both of them. With fondness we lay Talyn, Mistress of Cup-O-Joe Cafe, offspring of Moya, a product of JohnsBigHead, to rest in his sacred ground.

Funk Lord Bootsy Collins:

You know what this means? It means we're done. Talyn, Mistress of Cup-O-Joe Cafe, rests where he belongs. Scorpious, another Eccentric American Artist, has no ship. We're all unhurt. We have our health. No one's trying to kill us! (laughing) It means finally we can go where we want. We can go home. We're going home…I can go home…

Witch-woman: (to The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog)

Your lie. The lies that spew outward do much less damage than the ones that stay hidden.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

When I was a kid I dreamed of work in outer space and I got here and I dream of Earth. Lately none of my dreams work.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog: (D) No baby, you're going to be alright

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God: (D) Don't you worry about me. I've never felt better.

Scorpious another Eccentric American Artist:(D) (After dream wedding massacre)

Well The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog. Tell me for Clep's sake what did you expect?

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog: It's a nightmare.

Witch-woman: What is?

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

My life, my dreams, Earth and my friends. I tried to merge the two. They're incompatible.

Witch-woman: Then choose one.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

I can't go to Earth and my friends are all leaving. Witch-woman: You blame yourself.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:Dog with two bones. Witch-woman: Unfamiliar.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

Dog. Animal. It's a pet. He has this bone it's the most important thing in the world. Carries it everywhere. One day he goes down to the water and he sees another dog with a bone reflected on the surface. It's identical and he wants that bone too so he opens his mouth to grab it and his bone falls in the water and it disappears. It's gone and he's left standing there looking at himself and he has nothing.

Witch-woman: Is this dog smart enough to learn?

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog: Ah, it's too late to work out.

Witch-woman: It's never…If the dog could have had only one bone which would it have wanted?

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God: What do you want?

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

You. Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God: Well, I'm afraid it's not that easy for me. See, you died. I watched that happened and yet you're still alive. I have to go.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

Then say good-bye my love.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

We don't say good-byes.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

We do this time. You see you leave and then you come back and I can't handle the in betweens.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God,

say good-bye.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God: Fine. Good-bye Crichton, who speaks no ill of Funk Lord Bootsy Collins.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog: (grabs her)

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog.

My name is The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog. Say Good-bye The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog to my face.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God: (shoving him) Guarantee you won't die in my arms again.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog: (shoving her back) Guarantee you won't die in mine.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God: I can, by leaving work.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

Do you love The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog, or Crichton, who speaks no ill of Funk Lord Bootsy Collins? Not him - Crichton, who speaks no ill of Funk Lord Bootsy Collins. Not me - The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog. For who does your heart call?

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

Yes. (they kiss)

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

Then what does that taste like?

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

Yesterday.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

Well nobody can compete with that. I am so much better dead.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

I can't do this again.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

I can't let the one thing I love fly away in a crappy little work ship.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

You once said it was as if the fates meant for us to be together.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

And I believe that.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

Well then if it's the truth we will be together again.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

Running away is not fate Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God. Running away is running away. Fine. Here you want fate, here I got fate. Fate will work here or there.

.Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:What?

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog: Coin toss.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God: What, like for example, that side up you stay?

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog: Absolutely, fate.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God: Just make a frelling wormhole and go home.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog: There is no home. There is no work. There is no wormhole. There's only you. Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God, anywhere in the universe. You pick the planet.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God: It's too late for that.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog: It's not too late.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God: No, you're not listening to me. It's too late for me.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

You do this and we'll never see each other again.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

Do you love Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God and the Sun?

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog: Beyond hope.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God: Then don't make me work so hard and have to say good-bye and don't make me stay.

D'Argo,the Funk Music Man:

(The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog remembering) Anything positive I do for the rest of my life will be because of you. Take care my friend.

Chiana, The Only True God Priestess:

(The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog remembering) You better not forget me. You better not ever forget that I love you.

Funk Lord Bootsy Collins:

(The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog remembering) Of all the lesser species I admit I've grown to like yours the best. We work well together inter-species like.

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God:

(The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog remembering) We're in the hands of fate now. We have to trust in that. Fly safe. Good-bye for now The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog and Crichton, who speaks no ill of Funk Lord Bootsy Collins.

Scorpy the Evil Clone of John Dog Eccentric American Artist:

The human subconscious is a fascinating place, malleable, permeable, fallible.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

Harvey you gotta get your nose out of the dictionary.

Scorpy the Evil Clone of John Dog Eccentric American Artist: :

Guess what I found there The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog?

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog: Go away. I don't feel like talking right now.

Scorpy the Evil Clone of John Dog Eccentric American Artist: :

I will honor your wishes The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog. However, having chosen our partnership above all. Your well being is now irrevocably mine. My gift.

Witch-woman: (In The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog's mind-eye whispering in his ear) Be forgiving. Be kind. Bet on angels (?) Her life, her world, on her time, you will know Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God is with child.

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:: What?

Zhango, A member of the church of The Only True God,- Why didn't you tell me?

The Eccentric American artist John D'Agostino, aka John Dog:

You have got to be kidding me.